My First Day of School

Things that actually happened today:

I give a short speech that cannot be heard over the squealing of 1000 highschool girls. The principal interrupts me to maintain order.

I arrive at my first class to find a whiteboard covered in hearts, cellphone numbers, and messages in terrible English. One of which is "Hi, I love you and you?"

An 18 year old girl gives me her cell number on a slip of paper, and asks me to call her by her nickname, "Kitty." This makes me extremely uncomfortable.

In order to demonstrate how to use the inter-office instant messaging system in the school, a fellow teacher sends to the desks of 30 teachers the message "Hi everyone!" from me. I feel like a tool for the rest of the afternoon.

I watch my female co-teacher slap every girl that is late across the face.

While playing a game that involves who can point to a geographical location in the US the fastest, one student performs a textbook perfect hip throw on the other, slamming her into the ground. She doesn't move for quite some time. No one seems concerned.

Tomorrow: Day 2.

BEEP BEEP

HAHA FIRETRUCK!

And if this blog is analogous to how I'll be raising my child... my child is going to be a rotting, bloated mess.

Gross.

But can you nurse a rotting, bloated mess back to health?! I think so! Let's give it a go, chaps!

HERE YOU, HERE YOU

THERE YOU.

DOTH MINE EYES DeCEIvE ME?

Who in the FUCK MADE THAT DECREE? JESUS CHRIST DOESN'T ANYONE GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE RULES ANYMORE?

This is a mo'ing coup is what it is. My authority in the warm recesses of the chastity belt has just been whatever 1/3 divided by 1/2 is'ed. I guess that would be 1/6. So I guess it was sixthed. Fuck that shit.

And fuck your little microsoft clipart train. I never got a train. Fang, I hope Bandito eats your soul. And your train.

Fin.

HERE YE, HERE YE

yay! (click to enlarge)