I REALLY



HATE





THESE




FUCKING




ADS


May all the employees of lowermybills.com get a coke bottle filled with fire ants shoved up their asses.

HIT 'EM WHERE IT HURTS

TAKE THAT WHITEY! DOWN WITH THE ROUNDEYES!

Finally, someone with the balls to stand up to those vanilla motherfuckers. I'm sick of being subjugated by the man. I did not float to this country in a bathtub with nothing but a straw hat full of rice to wear a ball gag in a man's basement 16 hours a day. The rest of the day I'm forced to write fortune cookie fortunes in the walk-in freezer of a China Express. One time I wrote "HELP ME I'M IN THE FREEZER" but the man caught me and I was on "Lucky Number" duty for the next month. NEVER AGAIN. I learned my fucking lesson.

Whoever is responsible for this, know that you have my full support. These covert scare-tactics are exactly what we need to destabilize their cozy, smug lifestyle. "I hate crackers" is only the beginning... the snowflakes won't be ready for "Crackers suck" or even "Boy I'm hungry, you know what I could go for? NOT CRACKERS."

The revolution will not be televised, my brothers and sisters. The revolution will be live. Look for "I hate crackers" in a fortune cookie near you.

NEW HATE CRIME ALERT!

Citizens of the 5-C's, I was shocked and appalled to receive this campus-wide email today:

Dear Members of the CMC Community;



On Wednesday, October 18th, one of our Building Attendants discovered some writing in Auen Hall that said, "I hate crackers." It was written on a stairwell door. She became concerned and reported it to her supervisors.



For those of you who do not know, this writing could mean more than one thing. It could be a racial slur, with "Crackers" being a derogatory term for "Caucasians". It could also mean other things.



We sent the Auen RA to speak with people in his residence hall to find out if anyone knew who wrote this or what it meant. Was this a racially-motivated incident? Or was this just a stupid, random comment? Unfortunately, no one claimed to know why the writing was there. If anyone does know who wrote this or the context for what it meant, please contact the Auen Resident Assistant or myself.



Without a complete understanding of what was meant by the writing on the door, we would be justified in being offended. Therefore, I'm choosing to address the more serious, racially-based interpretation.



There is no room for racial slurs, hate, threats, and intolerance against individuals or groups on our campus, or at The Claremont Colleges more generally. We have been building a terrific experience for students, and something like this is a hindrance to the positive momentum we have.



Let's take a moment to think about this act of intolerance and/or carelessness in an educational context, recognize that we may have a lot to learn about the world from people who are different from ourselves, and find ways to incorporate the things we have learned into our future actions. The world is a complex place, and overly-simplistic attitudes about it reflect poorly on everyone in this institution.



Sincerely,



Jeff Huang

VP & Dean of Students

I, as a cracker, now feel very uncomfortable in this college atmosphere. I think that the community needs to understand that this is totally inappropriate and that intimidation will not keep my people down. If all goes according to plan, I hope to circulate a petition to declare October "White History Month" where people can learn about the great accomplishments of Caucasian people such as Eli Whitney, Hitler and George W. Bush. You need to keep fighting for the dream, my white brothers and sisters.

"Perfect Pitch"

The American Heritage Dictionary defines Perfect Pitch as:

"The ability to identify any pitch heard or produce any pitch referred to by name."

Some people have it, and it's really an amazing/creepy talent to witness. Most people don't (less than 1% of the population actually has it). A lot of people think they have it, which makes music classes obnoxious as shit.

Professors like to play games with their students by saying things like: "Okay, we're starting this song on E, can anyone give me an E off the top of their head (i.e. does anyone have perfect pitch here)?" As a rule, the correct answer to this question is "No." There are three exceptions to this rule:

1. You're at a music conservatory
2. You're mentally handicapped
3. You're a music snob jackass

The first two are excusable, but the third turns any reasonable educational experience into a tedious cacophony:

"Can anyone give me an E?"
"OH YEAH!! LAAAHHAH...AAAH...AAAAH...HAAA?"
"We'll just use the piano."

What happened was a TOTALLY UNNECESSARY interaction between the professor who knows what he's talking about, and a clueless, pompous student who is trying to showboat for the rest of the class.

You don't have perfect pitch, so shut the fuck up and let the professors teach the goddamn classes.

Students suck.

A Modest Proposal

So I've been doing a lot of thinking in the past few days and I think I have finally came up with a clear, cogent statement to express my feelings about the thoughts that have been running through my head:

Exterminate the human race.

It's as simple as that. I am now an advocate for genocide - that is to say, genocide in it's exact etymological definition. We need to thin out the entire population greatly. We are on the verge of running out of many essential natural resources and we need the majority of the people on this planet like a horse needs hotpants. How have I come to take such a stance on this? youtube.

Now don't get me wrong, youtube is fantastic for locating many hard-to-find videos and can provide hours of quality entertainment for you and the whole family. It is also a good place to go if you want to see the scourge of humanity.

Don't believe me? Run a search for "amv." You will be bombarded with over 100,000 videos created by 15-year-old angsty cockslaps. "amv" stands for "anime music video." Basically, they take their favorite P.O.D. or Lifehouse song and use iMovie or Windows Movie Maker to set it to video clips from Ah My Goddess. I have a huge issue with this on so many levels, but most of all I've spent the past two years of my life trying to convince the world that the music video medium holds huge artistic merit. It doesn't help my argument when these little cum dumpsters come along and produce this shit. If you have no talent it's okay; stop trying to pretend and go get a job at Denny's. A curse on their families.

The other part of this site that makes me wish I was born deaf and blind is the vast archive of young aspiring prostitutes with webcams. Check out this looker. I don't know what it is, but someone should put a paper bag over its head and put it back in its cage before it hurts someone. And there are hundreds of thousands of videos just like this gem. Even sadder? That there are so many people who leave comments like "OMFG UR SOOOOO HOTTT, WIL U B MY GRLFRND????" I hope they die of dysentery for scarfing down all this bullshit.

Ok... so let's start out slowly. Let's just rid ourselves of amv "directors" and these little slut gremlins and see where we are. I'd wager to say we could actually stop there, having accomplished a lot.

That and Geraldo. Someone please end that man.